http://www.facebook.com/notes/ladydark-adora/awakening-into-sexual-vampirism/499790004499Awakening Into Sexual Vampirism
By LadyDark Adora - Ward To Madame X Of House Of The Dreaming
December 1, 2010The moment of awe, the coming to knowledge of change in yourself, is awakening. It can be growth in the small to the profound things in your life. I cannot tell you how it feels. Words do not describe what awakening is to everyone when it is an individual experience. Each awakening feels different to each being. Awakening comes in multiple stages that lead anywhere from figuring out your career path to the psychological effects of societies influence. Sometimes these realizations are subtle hints while others are a near smack to the head. As there are different steps to awakening, there are different results to awakening. You may realize you need blood, psychic energy, sexual energy, or another form. You may realize that there is a beast within you calling to get out, for you to rely on your primal instincts.
The first awakening is when one comes to the understanding that there is more to them then being simply mundane. The first stage of awakening, the initial awakening, can be the hardest step to take. It can as well be the hardest journey to walk. Most people walk their first awakening alone and afraid. They are confused as they search for what is happening. Once they find what it is that is happening, many feel like monsters. Some embrace the knowledge and know they cannot change what has happened, while others try to hide from it. It is hard to hide from such a major change in one’s life, yet if you concentrate on blocking it, you can erase any memory you wish with simple power of will. What people do with this knowledge can cause further awakenings down the path. Throughout life our bodies change and evolve constantly. From an infant we grow to become an adult. With the flu, our bodies adapt to become immune to that strand of illness. It is the same with awakenings. As we grow and continue to grow, our bodies, minds and spirits adapt.
Awakening to sexual vampirism could be your initial awakening or many awakenings away. The symptoms vary for each person as well as how it is discovered that you feed through sexual energy. Due to the variety in this, I can only properly give my experience of awakening through sexual energy. I will discuss how I came to realize what was happening, the symptoms I experienced, and how I deal with the new discovery of this part of me. Then I will compare or add to the topics by introducing the experiences of awakening through sexual vampirism from a few different people. Knowing that different perspectives will help one grasp the full ranges of awakenings in general as well as in sexual vampirism, I have gathered comments from multiple people. Samandryel recently awoke as a sexual vampire. Lord Ryu of House Noctem Aeternus has been awoke to sexual vampirism for years. The diversity in comments from a master to a newly awakened as well as including my comments will give the full range of different views on the topics at hand. When one grows, our comments and outlooks on topics can change. This is why I will introduce comments from 3 beings including myself, to simply to be able to present an article that can possibly grasp multiple opinions, experiences, or knowledge about sexual vampirism.
“All it took were just a few words, a few words from a beautiful young lady, describing her typical night outing to me. As those words were spoken, a curious warmth came over me, a tingling excitement as an incredible epiphany forced its way into my brain. In that very moment connections were made, and the unshakable realization that I was different (hell, I already knew that)! As that moment passed, I was aware, aware that I was special, and not broken, damaged goods.” Samandryel stated regarding his recent awakening to sexual vampirism. As you can see there was a sense of awe, an excitement or the very clear realization that this is why things were a certain way for him.
When I realized what was happening to me, it was an oh wonderful sarcastic moment. I had a new relationship to concentrate on and it seemed like another pile of issues to deal with. I cannot say that sexual vampirism or vampirism in general is a blessing. My initial awakening was very difficult. Finding and controlling the correct ways to feed was at times the hardest part of awakening. It simply seemed this was another obstacle that I needed to overcome. I will say that I was relieved to find out what was going on simply so I could find a way to control it. I did not want to be a harm to people I loved. I did not want this to harm my relationship or my boyfriend. The awakening also gave me a way to dive deeper into the diverse teachings of feeding methods. Knowledge is power in my eyes. If I had to go through awakening to sustain knowledge that I could truly understand, then I would go through millions more with open arms.
Lord Ryu was brought up as a vampire. Being awakened young, he simply thought this was the way of life no matter the way of feeding. He thought his family was the Addams Family until he could clearly understand what was happening. He awoke to sexual vampirism when he was thirteen or fourteen. The feeling of awakening to sexual vampirism was a whole other level to him. It was more than an epiphany when only the word wow could suffice to the feeling. Feeding sexually was the deepest and best way to sustain energy. It brought about a connection that was richer than any feeding he had experienced otherwise. As he fed with tantric and blood at the same time, he would get the emotional energy that is maxed by the chemical reaction of those emotions in blood. The best way to describe his feeling were just a few words that stuck “I felt refreshed.”
Many sexual vampires would feed subconsciously due to the simple fact that they did not know what was going on. Once awakening hits, it’s the “OH” factor that plays in and gets the individual aware of what they have been doing. Being aware can provide a way to strengthen, grow, and to learn how to control yourself or even your donors. Now that we know how it feels to awake to sexual vampirism, lets go through and see the symptoms or signs that point to sexual vampirism. We will once again start off with Samandryel, my comments, then to Lord Ryu’s comments. Afterwards we will discuss the similarities or differences in the symptoms or signs present.
“I connected with the Feeling; that exciting sensation when I first enter the club, my senses sharpening and suddenly jumping into a hyper-aware state. I feel the people around me; I can sense the different energies around me, and feel the emotional states of the closest ones. My eyes dart from female to female, and occasionally even to the males, though they are not my preference. There is always one there, and I will find them; I have to, or else leave at the end of the night hungry and hurting. Eventually I see them, the one that will do for me tonight. She is vulnerable to my advances, (I can somehow tell somehow). I pass her by a few times, allowing her to notice my presence. Eventually she will watch me, Her eyes stealing glances and searching for me wherever I am in the room. I fiddle with my cards, drawing her attention further, and eventually make contact. Just speaking with her is pleasant, and I can feel the tension in her that will grow. I drink it in, allowing it to fill me... I seem to know just what to say and how to move (it seems to be different for each), and she will always respond. I almost never fail. What generally happens after that has wreaked havoc in my life.” Here Samandryel states the signs or symptoms that point to sexual vampirism. It could be the chase, or the catch. Either way, He explains his feelings he has when he goes to hunt.
After going through awakening I examined situations around me. It all became very clear. My boyfriend would receive headaches during sexual encounter. The headaches were the first sign and ultimately the sign that led to the discovery of me having fed sexually. After sex, I would have the desire to go again and again. It is as if I could never be completely satisfied. If I went days without sex, I would grow depressed. My body and mind would seem to start to shut down. I would even become too depressed to even try to feed at that point. I tried to not drain my boyfriend, but when I only took little, I was not satisfied for long. When in a club setting I would use the “allure” method. Catching my prey’s eyes, I would lead them on a journey that would last possibly all night. I would dance with them then and thank them with a smile and eye contact. That would be all, they were like puppies coming as I called. That energy was enough for a day or two. However looking back at my previous activities, I feel I was feeding subconsciously. I might have always done this, but it did not become strong until recently.
For Lord Ryu the symptoms are still hard to grasp. He would ask my prey why did they give themselves to him and they simply respond that there is something about him. With the same response over years of questioning, it is hard to fully grasp what it is that lures them into being a donor. He is blunt when he goes after pray and does not hide his intentions. Yet he honor my donors as they should be, but it seems to him that he goes into a state of no humanity and turns 100% predator. Noticing, however, that his senses have heightened in some aspects. He can sense what would please his donor and he tend to mold to that to give the desire needed, as it would give him the energy he needed. “It is almost as if I lose myself in the moment.”
Symptoms or signs can range from physical, mental or spiritual. The range can be anywhere from headaches and hunting in the club, to becoming something else for the sake of feeding. This shows that symptoms or signs can be different for each and every individual. Now that we know the symptoms from Samandryel, Lord Ryu, and myself, let us continue to find out how we each deal with being sexual vampires.
“For years I wasn't really sure what was wrong with me... was it a symptom of the Bipolar Disorder? Some sort of effect or evidence of a troubled youth? Was I perhaps just a seriously well-tuned asshole? There was no control, you see, as there was no awareness. The sexual desire and energy that fills my being is like a drug; more is always needed, and without control, discipline and understanding I would create chaos, destroying my reputation further with each encounter and creating chaos in my life. It was sleeping, you see. I was like a child with no discipline or guidance.
After those words, all is now different. It was like a primer, an understanding that from that point on I would no longer have to feel dysfunctional. I would attract those to me that would help me learn, show me how to proceed. I look forward to the new life ahead, filled with new energy, experiences and desire to consume and enjoy with the awareness that I will have the control and power I need to consume safely. The most important point, however, is how that in that moment and with those sweet words I AWAKENED to the simple fact: I am no longer broken. I am no longer sleeping.” Described Samandryel.
I deal with being a sexual vampire by simply keeping my wits about me. This adventure is a never-ending one. I am blessed to have the support of friends and family as I continuously go through this awakening. I could mope around and feel sorry for myself. I could be discouraged to feed in fear of hurting others. However, I simply feel this is an opportunity to grow. I deal with what I am by not holding myself back. I will control my actions so that I do not harm others or myself, but I will let my mind go free as I venture into another part of the world I could not understand until now.
Lord Ryu deals with being a sexual vampire the same way he deals with being sang. He simply learns to control himself. “Practice, patience, endurance is vital to this control. I try to not act without thinking as I keep the right frame of mind and remain mentally intact with myself as well as with my laws.”
Awakenings vary for each person. We each have a way to deal with the knowledge we are shown and there are different effects this knowledge can have on us. Embrace the knowledge and let it show you light to different paths you can take. This applies to all that are awakened or going through a new awakening, in the words of Samandryel, you are no longer broken. You are no longer sleeping.
Author